I courageously, inspiring, and nobly quit drinking alcohol nearly three years ago.

(Ha! There’s a story there, not so noble or courageous in its origins, that I’d love to unfold to you—over coffee, around the the table, or in a living room with other gems.)

But even after my strict swearing-off of da booze, that delight of a sharp, delicious hops-anchored beverage has remained. Enter the non-alcoholic beer.

I’m not one of those non-drinkers who needs to completely avoid the alcohol world entirely, in the sense that I can’t be adjacent to it, hang with drinkers, or enjoy like-it things. I just need to not drink myself, that’s it. So I sometimes buy alcohol for others (who are of legal age, ociffer!) and am happy for my friends to celebrate as they wish when we are together. Sometimes that’s with guggly soda, steaming coffee, or a drink(s). Or just water.

Just Lana!

(Inside joke.)

Anyway, so I’ve leaned into the world of “non-alcoholic brews.”

I don’t think they can call them beers, since they are alcohol-free. So brews they are. Still, that leads to a bit of confusion. Like, trouble brewing? Witches brew? Brouhaha? Pray thee, what are we discussing?

“What’s that, Daddy?” I’ve been asked before.

“A fake beer,” I say.

I could just call it a brew, in accordance with the can-lasered labeling. But that requires additional explanation. So fake beer. Or beer-ish.

Over the last few years, I’ve had quite a few fake beers, maybe twenty different varieties. Some were poor, most are quite good, and a surprising handful are excellent.

Without question, Athletic Brewing, which only does non-alcoholic, is my favorite brewer. Their Upside Dawn Golden Ale is my current number-one favorite, even beats the IPA versions, which are good. The golden nails a serene sweet spot: full flavor without being bitter.Not et all bitta’, mate!

All this to say, long winding build-up, I stumbled across another winner.

It was in country gas station beer fridge, of all places. I typically check the beer section of these hole-in-the-walls just to see if there’s an errant NA brew there. Usually I turn away empty-handed. Edit: always I turn away empty-handed.

Except this time.

The Deschutes Brewing Black Butte, a non-alcoholic chocolate coffee porter, is and will be my huckleberry. Rich and dark and also crisp and refreshing.

Matt’s Beer-ish Ranking: 6 out of 6 Fake Beers.

Before I leave this area, in western South Carolina, I’m going to grab a couple six-packs. No guarantee that I’ll locate it anywhere else. After, all these country gas stations don’t just grow on trees.

Cheers!
(ish)

---