Shortly before his death today, September 6th, 2000, Matt The Rock Star was drinking a root beer soda. While he was drinking his root beer soda Matt The Rock Star was talking on a wireless telephone with an unnamed reporter who works for an unnamed magazine.

Below are excerpts:

Unnamed Reporter For An Unnamed Magazine: Matt The Rock Star, you have quickly become a pop icon--your swift rise to popularity has been reminiscent of that of the Backstreet Boys and Bill Clinton during the '92 Presidential Elections. To which aspects of your personality, if any, do you attribute this instant popularity?

Matt The Rock Star: Nothing, really. My popularity hinges on the clever marketing of my gigantic record company.

URFAUM: Wow, I am surprised to hear such words of wisdom from someone so often stereotyped as--how shall I say this?--"mindless". What is your response to that stereotype; surely you have encountered it before?

MTRS: But of course. I have suffered enough. I have been insulted enough. I have played the fool long enough.

URFAUM: I am beginning to see glimpses of a Matt whose name will perhaps not be accompanied by the humble title "The Rock Star". But for the sake of clarity, how will your life change?

Matt The Former Rock Star: I have resolved to discontinue my career as a musician. Excuse me, I have resolved to discontinue my career as an untalented pretty face who poses as a musician, and I am going to change the world for the better.

URFAUM: How will you change the world?

Matt The Former Rock Star: The world has seen thousands upon thousands of do-gooder idealists. I will join their ranks, but with two advantages: capital and authority. My estate is valued at approximately three billion dollars. With the remaining 500 million dollars (after giving 2.5 billion to worthy charities, peace, and hunger organizations) I will have enough to create an educational, values-based organization which will witness to the generations which the media industry strives to hard to deceive.

Moreover, I speak not with pride but with objectivity when I say that I have both the recognition and the charisma to pull of such an endeavor. I will do for this country what no one before me has done: I will make good on my promise to change it; fear not, worthy Unnamed Reporter For An Unnamed Magazine, for "help is on the way."

Worthy Unnamed Reporter For An Unnamed Magazine: I understand you. I do. "A Mighty Good Leader is on the way" and it is not you. Wow, I am excited about the future. In fact, this is the most excited I have ever felt. Where do I sign up? [laughs]

Matt The Benefactor of Humanity and Ambitious Person with High Moral Standards: [also laughs] Wow.

Soon-To-Be Public Relations Representative of Matt The Benefactor of Humanity and Ambitious Person with High Moral Standards: "Wow" what?

MTBOFAAPWHMS: Oh nothing. I just finished a root beer soda--I was commenting to myself how good it tasted.

STBPRROMTBOHAAPWHMS: Oh. Well, in a manner of looking at things, this signals the death of Matt The Rock Star. I don't imagine that your fans will be too happy--but you will still be a prolific figure in the world of entertainment.

MTBOHAAPWHMS: Yes, of entertainment and politics and culture and religious life.

STBPRROMTBOHAAPWHMS: Yes. And wow, I'm excited. Thank you for this interview. Send me an email.

MTBOHAAPWHMS: I will.